Nothing Grows in a Straight Line – Even People

February 14th, 2010

No one is surprised when they see that plants don’t grow straight. Plant a squash or a vine and see what it does. If you want it to grow straight, you’ll need to use tent stakes to staple it’s tentacles to the earth.

If fact, it’s almost laughable when you see what people do with trees and bushes. In the “wild” they’re wild. They have a beauty and spontaneity of their own. But under the skilled hands of humans they spend most of their lives staked down and roped into place. They look alike, similar, and uniform — and boring.

But somewhere along the road we get the idea that other things should grow in a straight line. The economy should go up and up and up. Better every year. Faster. Richer.

And when the inevitable slowdown or “crash” happens, we step back and tell each other that it had to happen eventually. You can’t go up forever. House prices can’t go up forever. Stock prices can’t go up forever. Profits can’t go up forever.

Businesses have good years and bad years. Things go up. Things go down. Sometime things even go sideways.

And what about we humans?

Well, we certainly don’t grow in a straight line either.

When you set a goal, you’re eager to go right to it. And we all know you need to focus on that goal and always be moving toward it. But then you find out that there’s a stumbling block or detour.

Very often it’s the case that we need to stop and go get some education. Learn how something works, or who the players are. And while this detour is necessary, we’re not very patient with it because it draws us “off course.”

The truth is, when you’re evolving as a person or a business, you’re only off course if you lose sight of the ultimate goal. Side tours and missteps are part of the process. You can never go in a straight line. The longer you live (or are in business), the more you believe this truth.

In my business we have a philosophy about major projects:
“Something’s going to go wrong. We don’t know what it is, but we’ll find it and fix it.”

Basically, our philosophy is that we’re going to be 100% successful. Why? Because we never lose the big plan.

As individuals we would do well to take the same approach. You might think you’re going to go down a perfect path to a perfect goal. But you won’t. You can’t. Life steps in . . . and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

We’re all going to grow in a twisting, turning, slanted way. Accepting that will help us to understand the path we’re on, and to forgive ourselves when we realize we’re not growing straight. Keep your “eyes on the prize” as they say and you’ll eventually grow to where you need to be. But don’t insist on a straight path or you’ll spend a lot of energy worrying about the path instead of the goal.

:-)

Posted in Challenges, Goals, Patience | Comments Off

Glowworm Troubles

February 14th, 2010

Why was the glowworm unhappy?

Because her children were not very bright!

:-)

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Leave Room for a Personal Life

January 28th, 2010

There are two primary ways of looking at your life. Actually, either you look at your life or you don’t look at your life. Everyone does each of these some time. A few people examine their lives all the time. A few people never examine their lives.

But almost all of us are in the middle. We spend most of our time only thinking about our lives a little bit. Then from time to time we go through a stage of thinking about our lives obsessively. In other words, 80% of the time we think about our lives 20% of the time. And 20% of the time we think about our lives 80% of the time.

I have had two incidents recently that brought this into focus for me.

First, I have a great life coach named Jenifer Landers (see Fully Expressed Coaching). One of her constant themes is to leave an opening for something to happen. Leave an opening for someone to enter your life. Leave an opening for good things to occur. Leave an opening, leave an opening, leave an opening.

Then I hired two people in my business who have the profiles of really great leaders. And it didn’t take long before they were volunteering to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I heard lines like “Well, I can do that tonight. I have time available between 11 o’clock and midnight.”

The first thought that pops into my mind is . . . If you don’t leave an opening in your life for a personal life to show up, then it never will.

There is an assumption among many people that your personal life is the time that is left over after all the business and commitments are taken care of. But if you really want to have a personal life, you need to set aside time for it to happen. Whether it’s playing a sport, collecting something, or going out into the woods to have a good time, you need to put it on your schedule!

There are certain things in this world that expand to take up all the space available. Work can be like that if you don’t set boundaries around it. I try to leave work at 5:00 PM every day. I’m rarely there at 5:30. There is enough work to do. I could stay until midnight every night, work seven days a week, and never catch up.

And what would be the point of that? What would I have at the end of every day except another day just like the one completed? When I hear people say “I have no personal life” all I can think of is how they put themselves in that position. If you don’t make time for a personal life it certainly won’t show up on it’s own. Even if you don’t know what to do with yourself, that’s okay. Set aside the time and see what you want to do!

Workaholism kills.

Besides, you’re a much more interesting person when you have more than one dimension.

:-)

Posted in Balance, Business, Misc., Workaholism | 1 Comment »

Relax Focus Succeed

January 23rd, 2010

By Karl W. Palachuk, author of the book Relax Focus Succeed. Please visit the RFS web site at www.relaxfocussucceed.com and sign up for our free newsletter.

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Hearing Problem

January 22nd, 2010

Mo attends to a revival and listens to the sermon. After a while, the pastor asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Mo gets in line and, when it’s his turn the pastor asks, “Mo, what do you want me to pray about?” Mo says, “Pastor, I need you to pray for my hearing.” So the pastor puts one finger in Mo’s ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays for a while. He removes his hands and says, “Mo how’s your hearing now?” Mo says, “I don’t know pastor, it’s not until next Monday.

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Understand The Road You’re On

January 17th, 2010

I loved my father. And one of the things I loved the most was his sense of humor.

One time we were driving across country from our old home in North Dakota to our new home in Washington State. Alongside the freeway were telephone poles. Mile after mile. Hundreds of miles after hundreds of miles.

Whenever we drove alongside railroad tracks, there were short telephone poles. I don’t know if they were telegraph lines (this was the 1960’s) or whether the train companies just used short telephone poles because they didn’t have to deal with buildings.

It didn’t matter. My father had a great explanation. I asked why the telephone polls were short and my father immediately explained: “They’re for when children make phone calls.”

Even at the time I realized how very funny that is. In addition to being a great explanation, close enough to believable to get a kid thinking, it was also a fast answer. I appreciated my father’s quick wit.

And more than 40 years later I still think that’s funny.

We travelled 1100 miles. And I remember one joke plus coloring books in the back of a station wagon.

After all these years, the interesting conclusion is very unexpected. The conclusion is that you never really understand a transition until after it’s complete.

I have a few memories of visiting North Dakota, but no strong memories of when I lived there. Once we moved to Washington State I remember a lot — even a lot about our first year there. Somehow that trip was a big enough event that it became a transition from “too young to remember” to a series of memories I savor many years later.

How can you understand the road you’re travelling without reflection? The truth is, you can’t. At the same time, there isn’t any other road. You can’t stop being on “this” road and begin being on a different road. The most you can hope for is that you build the road in front of you and create your own detour.

You can be on any road you want. But you have to start from where you are today.

The good news is that you build your road every day and you can be lazy (going nowhere) or purposeful (heading where you want). In terms of meaning, it’s hard to force meaning into your daily journey. You can try, and you should try, but evaluation of such things always involves looking backward.

When I consider all the great memories of my father, I didn’t know at the time that those moments would be the moments I would keep forever. Looking back, just less than half of my life’s journey involved travelling the road of life with my father. And now they’re powerful snippets filled with meaning for me.

Changes can be hard. Transitions can be hard. Building a detour you didn’t want to build can be hard.

But every day you can look at where you are and where you want to go and head in that direction. Life goes on. Memories are powerful motivators. At the same time, you need to be vigilant. You never know which tiny thing you experience today will become a lasting memory you’ll have forever.

It helps to sit quietly and let you life’s experiences sort themselves out in your mind. For that I recommend daily reflection, or a walk/jog without headphones. Spend time being alone with yourself without an outside source of distraction.

:-)

Posted in Goals, Misc., Vision or Mission | Comments Off

The Swindle

January 17th, 2010

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it; Fifty people swindled!” Fifty people swindled!

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and said, “Hey kid, this is an old paper, where’s the story about the big swindle?”

The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, “Read all about it; Fifty-one people swindled!”

:-)

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Annual Retreat: A Great Habit

December 4th, 2009

This Friday (today) I wander off to a retreat center for my annual silent retreat. This will be my ninth year.

If you’ve read Relax Focus Succeed, or many of my newsletters, than you know I’m a big fan of quiet time, prayer, and meditation. Sometimes our lives become just so “busy” that we forget to stop and take stock of our lives. My annual retreat gives me time to do that.

On one hand, the timing is terrible. First weekend in December? Yikes. Beginning of Christmas season. Lost a weekend to Thanksgiving. Christmas and end of year are rushing toward me like a freight train.

On the other hand, when is a good time?

Retreating from the busy-ness of the season is a great habit. And one I’m proud to be developing. Some say you need 37 repetitions to form a new habit. Some say 40 or 42. Whatever it is, this is only my ninth in a row. So I can’t really call it a habit yet. :-)

Sometimes they call this a three-day retreat, but it’s really two full days. I arrive Friday afternoon and leave Sunday afternoon.

The most common question I get is: How can you be silent for two days? My daughter once told me “You have to talk to stay alive.” Of course she was fourteen at the time and it may have been true for her. I would reply that you need to stop talking to bring meaning to your life.

To get the most out of my two days, I try to increase meditation in the weeks leading up to the retreat. This helps me get in the mood and set my attitude to be open to a higher level of self-analysis.

I don’t really go into the weekend with an “agenda” so much as an openness to self examination. The retreat leaders provide a theme and some guidance. But they also encourage folks to wander off, take a walk, take a nap, and spend time in contemplation.

I have faced a number of personal challenges recently and the retreat is coming at a perfect time for me this year.

If you haven’t been on a retreat of any kind, I highly recommend it. Just do an Internet search for “Retreat” and your city. You’ll be amazed at how many retreat centers are scattered all over the place. Some are religious. Some are just relaxing. Start with the one most appealing to you.

My retreat is religious in nature, although the greatest benefits come from my quiet time during the weekend and not from the actual theme. Early on (retreats one, two, three) the guidance and themes mattered a lot more. But when you bring your own intentions of openness to the retreat there is less need for “starter” activities.

There are no promises that I’ll be a better person on Monday. But I look forward to a quiet weekend unplugged from the frenzy.

:-)

Posted in Balance, Meditation | Comments Off

Turnabout is Fair Play

November 29th, 2009

I live in a little court. That’s what they call a dead end built after 1990.

We have seven neighbors on the court. We moved into the court in 2003. All of our neighbors have lived here longer than us. That’s pretty amazing considering the house buying/selling frenzy that preceded the housing crash.

Anyway, as is common in newer home developments, I have a little patch of lawn on the right side of my house and a little patch of lawn on the left side of the house. Same with all my neighbors. Because the court goes in a circle, it doesn’t matter how big your back yard is: The front yards are pretty small.

So when I mow my front lawn, I go ahead and mow the patches of my neighbors left and right. It takes an extra five minutes, even with a reel mower. Over the years we’ve all developed this habit. It takes very little effort; we never talk about it; but everyone does it.

And every once in awhile it comes back to me how delightful it is to have good neighbors.

Yesterday I spent most of my time in the back yard. In fact, I only went out in the front yard after dark to help my daughter put some things in her car.

So today I went outside to go for my morning walk and found a wonderful present: My entire front yard was newly mown and all the leaves picked up! Apparently, yesterday, both of my neighbors took care of their yards. And tuned up mine as well.

I was struck with how nice it is to live in a community. Sometimes, especially at this time of year, we find ourselves going from one crowd to another. Crowds at the game. Crowds at the restaurant. Crowds at the store.

But a crowd isn’t much of a community. Communities develop from interactions between individuals. A little give and take. A little giving without taking. And sometimes a surprise when you’re on the receiving end of simple generosity.

So on this bright Fall day as Winter approaches, I am thankful for my neighbors and our little community.

:-)

Posted in Community, Misc. | 2 Comments »

Sticktoittiveness

November 3rd, 2009

I received this in a recent email from Brian Tracy:

    Calvin Coolidge, a president who was so reluctant to speak in public that he was given the nickname of “Silent Cal,” will go down in history for his simple but memorable words on success. He wrote, “Press on. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”

In other words . . . hang in there . . . stick to it . . . keep moving forward . . . Don’t give up.

Every successful person is persistent in pursuing a goal. Now that doesn’t mean that everyone who pursues a goal is going to be successful. But no one who gives up is successful.

Persistence is a necessary (but not sufficient) element for success.

These words really struck me because I’m a big believer in commitment. I don’t say I will do something until I’m ready to follow through. And I always try to project a time period that can be considered “giving it a fair shot.” In other words, if I try something new, I try to stick with it long enough to really see whether it will succeed or fail.

Many people say they’ll try something and then give up after one attempt. “I tried exercising but after a day my muscles were sore.” :-)

Persistence is one of the most difficult qualities to pursue. By definition it requires constant, relentless attention. How many times have I started an exercise regimen and then “something” happened and I got off my regimen? Recently I broke a toe. So five weeks later I’m getting back to walking. Still hurts. But I have to get back to it sometime!

When people are ready to give up they frequently say “I’ve tried everything” or “I tried so hard for so long.” But that’s usually not true. It feels that way, but it’s not true.

The normal pattern of effort for most things is a big push followed by a diminishing effort over time. So early on they put in a huge amount of effort – and they remember that. As their effort diminishes over time, they convince themselves that they are continuing to put out a high level of effort because they view their effort as cumulative.

Eventually they get to the point where they believe they’ve put out supreme effort “forever” when they’ve really put out almost no effort for a very long time.

Persistence means continuing to put out a higher level of effort. You may have heard the quote from Woody Allen: “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” There’s a lot of truth to that. But it’s not just showing up, looking around, and leaving. It’s showing up and putting in the effort. It’s really showing up ready to work.

One key element that helps me with persistence is to try a mental reset: I try to view things as current projects rather than one more step in a process that’s been going on for years. I’ve made a commitment and today I’m going to follow through. NOT: I tied this albatross around my neck and now I have to work at it again until it kills me.

Persistence is another one of those muscles of success: you exercise it a little all the time and it becomes a habit that propels you forward.

:-)

Posted in Business, Challenges, Goals, Muscles of Success | 4 Comments »

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