Goal-Setting Part 3

In Part 1 we talked about how goal-setting must be practiced regularly and forever. It is not a one-time task or a short-term project.

In Part 2 we introduced Quiet Time — The First Habit of Success.

Now we begin the actual Goal-Setting Process.

And, roughly speaking, this is the process:
1) Define the values or principles that are important to you.
2) Based on these values, define your vision or mission.
3) Identify the roles you play in your daily life (spouse, parent, employer, employee, etc.).
4) Plan activities in each of these role areas that are consistent with your vision and values.

Here’s the hierarchy:

A few cautionary notes about defining your values and vision.

It is extremely important that you identify values that are important to you personally: Not your spouse, not your parents, not what you think the rest of the world wants from you.

It is also important that you do not select your core values based on guilt. You might feel, based on society’s values, that you “should” hold certain values. But this is a dangerous road to go down. When people accept other people’s values, they find themselve pursuing goals that are not necessarily their own.

If you accept core values that are not completely and absolutely your own, then you’ll go through the process headed in the wrong direction and end up with a personal vision statement that’s not your own.

Consider this list of Values: http://www.relaxfocussucceed.com/Articles/2007122201.htm.

There you’ll find many delightful values that everyone should have. Here are a few examples:
- Accountability
- Commitment
- Fareness
- Honesty
- Modesty
- Professionalism
- Service
- Thoughtfulness
- Warmth

Everyone should have these values, right? Fine. But are these the absolute most important values in your life? Probably not. And if you simply accept these values, then you would build a vision based on values that are not completely comfortable to you.

Now it’s time to use The First Habit of Success — daily quiet time.

Spend some time each morning thinking about your core values.

Start by reviewing the long list and choosing values that are important to you. Don’t be overly picky at first. Just list as many values as you can that are important to you. Think about these every morning during your quiet time.

Then begin to whittle down the list to ten. Then seven. Eventually, get it down to three or four values that you consider to be the absolute core values of your life.

Even then your work isn’t complete. When you have your core values, spend time comparing your core values to every other value on that list (or any list you can find). This process will help you come to the realization that the values you defined are in fact the most important values in your life.

And while I always believe in revisiting the goal-setting process, I believe you’ll find that these core values only change very slowly over time. The reason is simple: Once you’ve defined the absolute core values of your life, any re-evaluation would bring you to the same conclusions.

You should take as much time as it takes to settle on the right values for you. Remember the diagram. Values and principles are the base. After you begin the process of considering which values are core for you, you won’t be able to ignore them. You’ll naturally start thinking about what it means in the “real world” to hold these values.

And that is our next step.

For now, spend your daily quiet time considering the values that are important to you.

Enjoy!

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A ghost walks into a bar at midnight, and asks the bartender for a Whisky.
The bartender says ” Sorry we don’t serve spirits after 11″

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Goal-Setting Part 2

I talked Last Time about developing a goal-setting strategy that you can maintain for the rest of your life.

Before you can do anything else on the path to success, you need to develop a habit of daily quiet time. It is literally the the first habit of success. It is first because it comes before everything else. It must be your habit so that all else can follow. It is first because it is the one habit that will drive all the other habits of success.

When you practice daily quiet time, you will take time for relax, to focus, to plan, and so forth. When you fall out of the practice of daily quiet time, you will fall out of practicing all of these other things. And on any day you can get back to practicing quiet time, you will get back to all the others.

What exactly is this quiet time?

Your quiet time might be prayer, or meditation, or just quietly contemplating your day. For some people it’s a daily jog or some time in the garden. Whatever you do, be sure that you find a place and a time to free yourself from other distractions. That means no headphones, no conversations. Just you and the quiet solitude of your thoughts.

For most of us, quiet time will be a simple 15-20 minutes spent in a comfortable chair. Close your eyes. Relax. Let your mind just wander.

Quiet time is most effective if you do it either after or before some period of exercise, reading, or other activity that you know is good for you. Together, this creates a nice little window to spend time thinking about you, your goals, and “the bigger picture” in your life.

Here are a few tips that might get you started:

• Pick a quiet place. Let others know that you need your time and space alone.
• If you have music, make it very gentle background music with no words.
• During quiet time, do not try to work on any projects. Just let your mind wander. This is where the great work is done!
• If you want to try meditation, start with a relaxation meditation.

The most important things are:

1) Do it.

2) Be patient with yourself. Our society puts very little value on quiet time, so your mind will be racing all over the place when you first start.

The Daily Agenda

If you can take an additional 10-15 minutes after your quiet time to think about your day, and how you expect it to go, that will be the real reward. This planning time will help you focus on what matters, identify the clutter in your daily life, and become the time for your goal-setting activities.

Get started today.

Be patient.

Enjoy!

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I used to own an origami factory.

 The company folded.

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Goal-Setting for the New Year

One of the (many) reasons Americans are overweight is that we “diet.” Diet was not intended to be a verb. It used to be a noun. One has a diet. One’s diet consists of moderate amounts of . . . something. But now it’s a verb. When we say we are dieting, what we really mean is that we’re going to change our eating habits for a short period of time to reduce weight.

And when we go off the diet, we’ll gain that weight back. Why? Because we haven’t changed anything else, and we haven’t made permanent changes in what we eat or how much we exercise.

Here’s the dirty little secret that everyone knows, but doesn’t want to believe: If you eat less and exercise more, you’ll lose weight. But it’s not temporary. You have to balance the calories you consume with the calories you burn. And you have to do it consistently over time.

What every dietician will tell you is that your “diet” should consist of a variety of healthy foods in a quantity that is appropriate for your desired size — and that you should maintain this for the rest of your life. You don’t go on a diet and off a diet. Your diet is what you eat on a regular basis.

Short term diet changes (“diets”) don’t do any good in the long run.

Goal setting is very much the same way. Only worse.

Most of us have spent some time setting goals, but we certainly don’t have a habit of it. We wrote those goals down but can’t find them right now.

Such goal-setting exercises are short-term or one-time things. And they aren’t really very useful. On occasion someone might be inspired and commit to a change in behavior, but this is rare.

Meaningful goal-setting is an iterative process. That means you do it, evaluate the results, do it again, evaluate the results, do it again, evaluate the results, do it again, etc.

You are always fine-tuning the goals and, at the same time, keeping in touch with them.

I am shocked when I ask people about the three most important values in their life or the three most important goals for their life. Almost no one can anwer these questions. They have to think about it.

If you are not in touch with your most important values and goals, the next question is What are you doing with your time here on earth?

There’s an old saying: “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” If you don’t set you own agenda for your life, the world will do it for you!

Goal setting is a bad name (just as diet is a bad name). I wish there were a better term, but every knows what it means.

When you do set goals, it should not be thought of as an action that you check off your list. 

___ Set goals for life.Check. Done.

Now where’s that remote control?

Goal-setting starts with identifying the values and principles you hold dear. Then you can define the various roles you play in your life (parent, employee, spouse, community member, etc.), and finally the goals you have for each role.

Like anything else, goal-setting can be organized into an easily-managed set of steps. Once you’ve been through it once, you just need to keep it tuned up.

Stay tuned. We’ll work through these steps over the next several posts.

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A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?” Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.”

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”

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I am honored to announce that one of our free give-aways is now part of the “1,000 Giveaways” program at WE Magazine for Women (http://wemagazineforwomen.com/free-audio-programs/).

Our free MP3 audio of a sample relaxation meditation is now one of the giveaways. See www.relaxfocussucceed.com/RelaxationAudio.htm .

So go check that out.

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I was going through airport security a little while back and there was this vulture in front of me with two dead rabbits.

The vulture puts the two dead rabbits on the xray machine and the guard says “Hey buddy, what’s this?”

And the vulture says “That’s my carrion.” [carry on]

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I mentioned my annual retreat in my newsletter. Got several emails asking more about my annual retreat. So here’s the goods.

First, read this article:
Introduction to Retreats = http://www.relaxfocussucceed.com/Articles/2004010002.htm

—–

My annual retreat takes place at the local Passionist Retreat Center near Sacramento, CA. We gather on Friday, catch up with people we haven’t see in a year, and take stock of who’s not here.

The retreat officially begins with a meal. After the meal, we gather together and talk about the theme of this year’s retreat. There’s a little photocopied pamphlet with readings and information. After that meeting, we are “on retreat” and remain silent most of the time.

Most people find that, once they check in and the retreat begins, they feel compelled to go take a nap.

Really.

We hold in so much tension and so much nervous energy. We spend our time tending to others and serving our families and businesses, that we rarely have time to truly unplug. Just the psychological knowledge that there will be no phone calls, no email, no interruptions, no weeding, no dishes, and no errands is very powerful.

Here’s your agenda for the next three days:

Go to meetings (“conferences”) if you want to.

Pray if you want to.

Nap.

Spend time wandering the beautiful grounds.

Eat meals (someone else will do all the work).

Sleep at night.

To the extent that you wish to participate in the program, the retreat is “guided.” But if you choose to quietly do your own thing, that’s perfectly okay.

In the last year, my brother wandered all over Europe for six weeks. He came back with some revelations about changes he wanted to make in his life. Similarly, my wife went walking in the backwoods of Southern France for two weeks. She came back with a resolve to make changes for a better life.

I didn’t get two weeks or six weeks. But three days of quiet solitude is a very powerful tool.

My retreat is a time to start reviewing my year ahead. It helps that it’s near the year end/beginning. But you know, January First is just an artificial line. You can review the year ahead any day you want.

Now I’m back in the real world. A little more refreshed. But, to be honest, now I gotta do some Christmas shopping and take out the garbage.

It was good to get away.

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Did I tell you about the two nuclear physicists who got married?

The bride was radiant.

And the groom was glowing.

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