Archive for the ‘Beliefs’ Category

First is First and Second is Nothing

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

There’s an old movie most people have never heard of called The Big Combo.

In this movie, “Mr. Brown” is a big hoodlum. His motto is “First is first and second is nothing.”

Mr. Brown expresses that motto again and again and again. Until the time he’s shot dead.

Sometimes, our culture beats into us that the only place that matters is First. And, truth be told, a disproportion of the rewards go to the top 1%, 3%, and 5%.

But how you get there matters a lot, too. Look at the Olympics. On one hand you have the Chinese, who are openly cheating in Gymnastics. Every medal they win will be tarnished. Every award will have an asterisk.*

On the other hand, you have thousands of athletes who have working to get to the Olympics for at least four years, don’t cheat, and do deserve to win. Almost all medalists will have true gold, silver, and bronze medals. They will be real winners and deserve the reward they receive.

There Are Three Primary Elements of Success

What is success? In the big picture, success consists of determining what you want to do and then getting that done.

The first primary element of success is to have goals. Of course.

Specific, written, definable, measurable goals that you share with other people so they can hold you accountable.

The second primary element of success is the process of working to achieve your goals. What’s the process? It’s everything you do that’s remotely related to working on your goal. It’s how you live your life. It’s how you interact with others. It’s who you are as a human being in pursuit of what you want.

The third primary element of success is achieving your goal. This is the “finish line” if you will. This is when you reach $100,000 in salary, or $1 million in sales, or $10 million in sales. Whatever the goal.

The most important thing about the first element, setting goals, is that you have to do it. More than 90% of the people you meet have never consciously set goals, written them down, figured out how to measure them, and shared them with others. That means you get to be in the top ten percent by simply setting goals!

It’s true.

The most important part of the third element, reaching your goal, is that it becomes far less important once you get there.

For most big goals (e.g., reaching a big money amount or raising a child safely to adulthood), you can see the goal line approaching. $1 Million looks a lot easier from $900,000 than it does from $100,000. Age 18 looks a lot easier when your kid is 16 years old than when she’s 16 months old.

As your approach your goal, there comes a time when you know you can do it. As a result, your mind and heart begin thinking about the next level.

And the second element of success — that’s the most important thing in your life.

The second element of success is how you live your life every single day. It involves your integrity, your discipline, your willingness to help others, your honestly.

It is who you are every day.

And if your goal will take ten or twenty years to accomplish, then the second element is who you are over the decades.

When you look back on what it took to achieve your goals, how many asterisks will there be? Who will you have to deceive, cheat, and abuse?

I absolutely believe that you don’t have to do any of those things to get ahead.

After all, you have the rest of your life. Take your time and do it the right way.

Your goals are intimately intertwined with who you are and who you will become. Respect that. Don’t take shortcuts and don’t treat other people poorly.

There’s an old saying:

Remember the people you meet on your way up the ladder of success.
You’ll meet the same people on your way down.

So, first might be first, but second isn’t nothing. How you get to be first matters a lot. And if you come in second with your soul intact, that’s important, too.

- – - – -
* Cheater!

Posted in Balance, Beliefs, Business, Challenges, Goals, Vision or Mission | Comments Off

Roles and Activities

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

Translating your personal mission into your daily life.

In earlier posts (December, January), we discussed values and principles. They are literally the foundation for your goals. From this base we built a vision or mission statement.

Here’s the hierarchy:

Values Vision Roles Activities hierarchy

The obvious next question is, How do you translate your personal mission into your daily life?

In truth, all of your work so far has been theoretical. You hold certain values. You know this is more important than that. But it is rare for you to face a choice between high-level theoretical values (e.g., accountability, professionalism, or thoughtfulness).

So, let’s dig into the practical.

The next step is to identify the roles you play in your life. These might include spouse, parent, employer, employee, student, community member, community leader, and so forth.

Spend your morning Quiet Time identifying the most important roles you play in your life. Pick three to five. For most people, the temptation is to identify ten or twelve. And that might be useful. But for practical purposes, you need to identify the 3-5 most important roles you play.

You as an Individual

One choice you do not have is this: You must include the role of you individually, without regard to others. Most roles we play involve other people. You are a spouse to your spouse. You are an employee to your employer. You are a parent to your child.

And, again, most of the values we identify are related to our relationship with others (e.g., commitment, honesty, or service).

The result is that we tend to only consider ourselves in light of our relationship with others. Many positive traits come out of this. But it also has a drawback — we tend not to give ourselves the attention we deserve. We end up living for others, to the detriment of ourselves.

So one of your roles needs to be you as you.

Let’s work with the following example:
- You as self
- You as spouse
- You as employee
- You as community member

Once you’ve defined 3-5 primary roles for yourself, you’re ready to begin the work of setting goals for each of these roles.

Again, you need to dedicate a lot of morning quiet time to this process. Take it seriously. Don’t push it. You have the rest of your life.

Consider: What do you want to accomplish, personally (without regard to spouse, children, boss, parents, etc.)?
What do you want to accomplish personally?
What do you want to accomplish as a Spouse?
What do you want to accomplish as an Employee?
What do you want to accomplish as a Community Member?

For each of these, consider
- What are the long-term goals?
- What are the intermediate (1-3 year) goals?
- What are the short-term (0-12 months) goals?

And most important of all . . .
- What one thing can I do, in each area, to advance these goals today?

—–

Now here’s the bad news. Most people who read this will think it makes sense.

But they’re too busy. They don’t have the time. It’s not for them.

And most importantly — It looks like a lot of hard work.

You would think that Opportunity would be the most welcome guest in any house. But when he shows up wearing work clothes, most people won’t open the door to him.

There’s a lot of work here. True. But the rewards are phenomenal! Lasting personal happiness. A fulfilling family life. An enjoyable work environment.

It’s true. Once you focus your attention on the things that matter to you, you can’t help yourself. You will begin thinking differently. You’ll consider your actions more carefully. And you’ll start working toward your goals.

Good luck!

Posted in Balance, Beliefs, Family, Goals, Vision or Mission | Comments Off

Silas Marner in the Workplace

Sunday, June 8th, 2008

If you haven’t read the book Silas Marner by George Eliot, check it out. It’s a good Summer read.

The title character is well known for sitting alone in his house, with the windows shuttered, and counting his gold. Night after night Silas Marner counted his gold.

When we read that part of the book, our mind naturally thinks about an old man hunched over his table, counting his money night after night. In fact, Silas doesn’t know that he has many years ahead of him.

As with any good novel, the book has intrigue, crime, emotions run amok, love, and redemption. Silas will lose his fortune, but have his soul reborn due to the love of an abandoned child.

When we employ the imagery of Silas Marner, it’s of someone who has become obsessed with counting their gold. They define success as wealth. And so they isolate themselves from others, afraid of getting too close, concerned that everyone is after their share of the money.

Unfortunately, we have modern equivalents to Silas in the business world today.

Some people, as they become successful in business, also become so obsessed with this distorted view of “wealth” that they close themselves off from their family, their friends, and (in the business world) their clients and employees. They look at their accomplishments and somehow conclude that they got their on their own.

When this happens, they begin to act as if they’re at the end of the story. That there’s nothing left to do but count their gold. But unless they’re on their deathbed, it’s not the end. If you achieve financial success at middle age, you have many years, and many adventures ahead.

In the real world, these folks begin alienating those who would be their friends. They treat every relationship and every interaction as if it were about money. Sometimes business is about money. But when business is only about money, it is very dissatisfying.

I’ve known people who became “successful” in this regard and who changed from being fun to being bitter and alienated. Their children don’t want to spend time with them; their employees can’t stand them and have zero loyalty; and their clients and vendors just seem to go somewhere else one at a time.

In the novel, Silas learns his lessons, re-joins the community, raises a child, and learns that love and human society are more important than gold. In the “real world” I’m afraid that doesn’t happen so much. In the real world, people tend to reinforce their view of the world as they interpret each new experience as reinforcing their old beliefs.

So, what can we do? First, we can try very hard not to let ourselves become like Silas. Success does not equal money. Money is not the measure of success.

Second, we can be a true friend and tell people when they’re heading down this road. That also means sticking in there when they go through a Silas Marner period in their lives. This is tougher than it sounds. Because that period can leave our friend very bitter and unpleasant to be around. We have to be careful not to get sucked into this view of the world.

Third, we can choose to back off. This is hard to do. And it doesn’t sound like being a friend, but if it’s clear that we can’t help, it is sometimes best to isolate ourselves from the negativity.

True success means finding the things that bring meaning and value into your life. It is highly unlikely that that will include surrounding yourself with bitter, angry people, or a pot of gold.

So, finally, the best you can do is to pray for your friend. Whatever other action you take, that’s the one thing that will do some good. And, with luck, they’ll learn to focus on the more positive things in life.

Over the years, in my business life, I’ve dropped a couple of Silas Marner clients. In the business world I can simply choose not to do business with them.

 It’s harder when a friend goes down that road.

Posted in Balance, Beliefs, Business, Patience, Positive Attitude, Wealth | Comments Off

Defining Personal Values

Wednesday, December 26th, 2007

Goal-Setting Part 3

In Part 1 we talked about how goal-setting must be practiced regularly and forever. It is not a one-time task or a short-term project.

In Part 2 we introduced Quiet Time — The First Habit of Success.

Now we begin the actual Goal-Setting Process.

And, roughly speaking, this is the process:
1) Define the values or principles that are important to you.
2) Based on these values, define your vision or mission.
3) Identify the roles you play in your daily life (spouse, parent, employer, employee, etc.).
4) Plan activities in each of these role areas that are consistent with your vision and values.

Here’s the hierarchy:

Values Vision Roles Activities hierarchy

A few cautionary notes about defining your values and vision.

It is extremely important that you identify values that are important to you personally: Not your spouse, not your parents, not what you think the rest of the world wants from you.

It is also important that you do not select your core values based on guilt. You might feel, based on society’s values, that you “should” hold certain values. But this is a dangerous road to go down. When people accept other people’s values, they find themselve pursuing goals that are not necessarily their own.

If you accept core values that are not completely and absolutely your own, then you’ll go through the process headed in the wrong direction and end up with a personal vision statement that’s not your own.

Consider this list of Values: http://www.relaxfocussucceed.com/Articles/2007122201.htm.

There you’ll find many delightful values that everyone should have. Here are a few examples:
- Accountability
- Commitment
- Fareness
- Honesty
- Modesty
- Professionalism
- Service
- Thoughtfulness
- Warmth

Everyone should have these values, right? Fine. But are these the absolute most important values in your life? Probably not. And if you simply accept these values, then you would build a vision based on values that are not completely comfortable to you.

Now it’s time to use The First Habit of Success — daily quiet time.

Spend some time each morning thinking about your core values.

Start by reviewing the long list and choosing values that are important to you. Don’t be overly picky at first. Just list as many values as you can that are important to you. Think about these every morning during your quiet time.

Then begin to whittle down the list to ten. Then seven. Eventually, get it down to three or four values that you consider to be the absolute core values of your life.

Even then your work isn’t complete. When you have your core values, spend time comparing your core values to every other value on that list (or any list you can find). This process will help you come to the realization that the values you defined are in fact the most important values in your life.

And while I always believe in revisiting the goal-setting process, I believe you’ll find that these core values only change very slowly over time. The reason is simple: Once you’ve defined the absolute core values of your life, any re-evaluation would bring you to the same conclusions.

You should take as much time as it takes to settle on the right values for you. Remember the diagram. Values and principles are the base. After you begin the process of considering which values are core for you, you won’t be able to ignore them. You’ll naturally start thinking about what it means in the “real world” to hold these values.

And that is our next step.

For now, spend your daily quiet time considering the values that are important to you.

Enjoy!

Posted in Beliefs, Goals, Vision or Mission | Comments Off

Class of 1982

Tuesday, October 9th, 2007

I have been just returned from my 25th class reunion at Gonzaga University in Spokane, WA.

What a blast! Three lasting images came home with me.

First, my very good friend Mary S. confided in me a secret she’s kept for 29 years. As high school students back in the dark ages, Mary and John W. and I were involved in the YMCA’s “Youth and Government” program. And somewhere along the line, Mary decided that if John and I were going to college, she could too. We didn’t come from families that had gone to college before. Thank goodness John was also at the reunion.

The lasting impression is that I am honored to have had such an impact on someone’s life — even if I didn’t know it at the time. The littlest things can turn out to be the biggest things. After Gonzaga, Mary wandered off to Vanderbilt for Law. And, of course, she’s been a lawyer for the last twenty-some years. Anyway, I’m honored that Mary gives me some small piece of credit for something she did.

Second, the people of Gonzaga are the best people in the world. When we were young, we knew we’d have careers and families. We didn’t plan on circuitous career routes and all the miscellaneous twists and turns of life.

But this crowd is fanastic. Yes, there have been a few divorces and dissappointments. But there have also been travels around the world, giving up a career to care for a child with Downs’ Syndrome, taking in a teenager whose mother passed away, and many other acts of kindness and generosity.

If you had to pick a group of people to run the world, I can’t recommend a group more highly than Gonzaga graduates. As a whole, they enjoy hard work, hard play, more than a couple of drinks, talking about what matters, doing what matters, and leading their lives with commitment, dedication, and spirituality.

As a group, their stories are not just about what they did to get where they are, but how they touch peoples’ lives. At some level, God put us here on earth to take care of one another. Gonzaga graduates do that as second nature. I’m proud to be associated with these people.

Finally, my last impression is of my daughter Victoria in this crowd. She held her own! She is quite mature and had easy conversation with adults who were accountants, lawyers, financiers, and pillars of the community. She was charming, graceful, and poised. Granted, I’m her father. But it is an absolute pleasure to see my daughter being so comfortable in a situation that can’t be fun for any 15 year old.

Thank you, Mary, and Gonzaga, and Victoria, for giving me a delightful weekend.
 

Posted in Balance, Beliefs, Misc. | Comments Off

There Is A Right Way

Sunday, July 22nd, 2007

Some people are reluctant to take a stand and say (publicly) “I’m right and you’re wrong.” I don’t know if it’s political correctness or what. Somehow in our modern lives we’re led to believe that everyone’s opinion is just as good as everyone else’s.

I think that’s pretty boring — and wrong.

Fundamentally, there are right and wrong ways of doing things. This is true on both a moral level and a very practical level.

Morally, we can say that this action is “right” and that action is “wrong.” But many people are not willing to say that anyone else’s action are wrong. So a growing segment of the population is unwilling to stand up and say that any actions taken by another are wrong.

That’s a sure road to destruction.

On the practical side, experience is a wonderful teacher. There might be six ways to change your oil, write a press release, or perform an employee review. But experience will help you narrow this down to the one way that works best. On the practical side, there really is a best way — a right way.

And what’s the advantage of believing that there is a true, best, right way to behave?

First, it allows you to focus your attention. If every possible action in the known universe is just as good as every other possible action, then your choices don’t really matter. But if there’s a one true way out there, then finding that way is possible, and taking actions that are consistent with it will bring greater success.

Second, no one who refuses to take a stand on anything important will ever achieve much in this world. You have to believe in something in order to make meaninful progress. There has to be a right and a wrong way so that you can recoginize where u are and continually move in the right direction.

There’s an old saying “You have to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.”

I believe that’s true.

Posted in Beliefs | 2 Comments »