Archive for the ‘Misc.’ Category

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Leave Room for a Personal Life

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

There are two primary ways of looking at your life. Actually, either you look at your life or you don’t look at your life. Everyone does each of these some time. A few people examine their lives all the time. A few people never examine their lives.

But almost all of us are in the middle. We spend most of our time only thinking about our lives a little bit. Then from time to time we go through a stage of thinking about our lives obsessively. In other words, 80% of the time we think about our lives 20% of the time. And 20% of the time we think about our lives 80% of the time.

I have had two incidents recently that brought this into focus for me.

First, I have a great life coach named Jenifer Landers (see Fully Expressed Coaching). One of her constant themes is to leave an opening for something to happen. Leave an opening for someone to enter your life. Leave an opening for good things to occur. Leave an opening, leave an opening, leave an opening.

Then I hired two people in my business who have the profiles of really great leaders. And it didn’t take long before they were volunteering to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I heard lines like “Well, I can do that tonight. I have time available between 11 o’clock and midnight.”

The first thought that pops into my mind is . . . If you don’t leave an opening in your life for a personal life to show up, then it never will.

There is an assumption among many people that your personal life is the time that is left over after all the business and commitments are taken care of. But if you really want to have a personal life, you need to set aside time for it to happen. Whether it’s playing a sport, collecting something, or going out into the woods to have a good time, you need to put it on your schedule!

There are certain things in this world that expand to take up all the space available. Work can be like that if you don’t set boundaries around it. I try to leave work at 5:00 PM every day. I’m rarely there at 5:30. There is enough work to do. I could stay until midnight every night, work seven days a week, and never catch up.

And what would be the point of that? What would I have at the end of every day except another day just like the one completed? When I hear people say “I have no personal life” all I can think of is how they put themselves in that position. If you don’t make time for a personal life it certainly won’t show up on it’s own. Even if you don’t know what to do with yourself, that’s okay. Set aside the time and see what you want to do!

Workaholism kills.

Besides, you’re a much more interesting person when you have more than one dimension.

:-)

Posted in Balance, Business, Misc., Workaholism | 1 Comment »

Understand The Road You’re On

Sunday, January 17th, 2010

I loved my father. And one of the things I loved the most was his sense of humor.

One time we were driving across country from our old home in North Dakota to our new home in Washington State. Alongside the freeway were telephone poles. Mile after mile. Hundreds of miles after hundreds of miles.

Whenever we drove alongside railroad tracks, there were short telephone poles. I don’t know if they were telegraph lines (this was the 1960’s) or whether the train companies just used short telephone poles because they didn’t have to deal with buildings.

It didn’t matter. My father had a great explanation. I asked why the telephone polls were short and my father immediately explained: “They’re for when children make phone calls.”

Even at the time I realized how very funny that is. In addition to being a great explanation, close enough to believable to get a kid thinking, it was also a fast answer. I appreciated my father’s quick wit.

And more than 40 years later I still think that’s funny.

We travelled 1100 miles. And I remember one joke plus coloring books in the back of a station wagon.

After all these years, the interesting conclusion is very unexpected. The conclusion is that you never really understand a transition until after it’s complete.

I have a few memories of visiting North Dakota, but no strong memories of when I lived there. Once we moved to Washington State I remember a lot — even a lot about our first year there. Somehow that trip was a big enough event that it became a transition from “too young to remember” to a series of memories I savor many years later.

How can you understand the road you’re travelling without reflection? The truth is, you can’t. At the same time, there isn’t any other road. You can’t stop being on “this” road and begin being on a different road. The most you can hope for is that you build the road in front of you and create your own detour.

You can be on any road you want. But you have to start from where you are today.

The good news is that you build your road every day and you can be lazy (going nowhere) or purposeful (heading where you want). In terms of meaning, it’s hard to force meaning into your daily journey. You can try, and you should try, but evaluation of such things always involves looking backward.

When I consider all the great memories of my father, I didn’t know at the time that those moments would be the moments I would keep forever. Looking back, just less than half of my life’s journey involved travelling the road of life with my father. And now they’re powerful snippets filled with meaning for me.

Changes can be hard. Transitions can be hard. Building a detour you didn’t want to build can be hard.

But every day you can look at where you are and where you want to go and head in that direction. Life goes on. Memories are powerful motivators. At the same time, you need to be vigilant. You never know which tiny thing you experience today will become a lasting memory you’ll have forever.

It helps to sit quietly and let you life’s experiences sort themselves out in your mind. For that I recommend daily reflection, or a walk/jog without headphones. Spend time being alone with yourself without an outside source of distraction.

:-)

Posted in Goals, Misc., Vision or Mission | Comments Off

Turnabout is Fair Play

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

I live in a little court. That’s what they call a dead end built after 1990.

We have seven neighbors on the court. We moved into the court in 2003. All of our neighbors have lived here longer than us. That’s pretty amazing considering the house buying/selling frenzy that preceded the housing crash.

Anyway, as is common in newer home developments, I have a little patch of lawn on the right side of my house and a little patch of lawn on the left side of the house. Same with all my neighbors. Because the court goes in a circle, it doesn’t matter how big your back yard is: The front yards are pretty small.

So when I mow my front lawn, I go ahead and mow the patches of my neighbors left and right. It takes an extra five minutes, even with a reel mower. Over the years we’ve all developed this habit. It takes very little effort; we never talk about it; but everyone does it.

And every once in awhile it comes back to me how delightful it is to have good neighbors.

Yesterday I spent most of my time in the back yard. In fact, I only went out in the front yard after dark to help my daughter put some things in her car.

So today I went outside to go for my morning walk and found a wonderful present: My entire front yard was newly mown and all the leaves picked up! Apparently, yesterday, both of my neighbors took care of their yards. And tuned up mine as well.

I was struck with how nice it is to live in a community. Sometimes, especially at this time of year, we find ourselves going from one crowd to another. Crowds at the game. Crowds at the restaurant. Crowds at the store.

But a crowd isn’t much of a community. Communities develop from interactions between individuals. A little give and take. A little giving without taking. And sometimes a surprise when you’re on the receiving end of simple generosity.

So on this bright Fall day as Winter approaches, I am thankful for my neighbors and our little community.

:-)

Posted in Community, Misc. | 2 Comments »

Reflective Communications

Saturday, May 16th, 2009

A few posts back I talked a bit about how the sender and the receiver each affect the messages that pass between them.

If you haven’t read John Gray’s book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, you should. In addition to explaining some obvious truths about the species, the book is chock full of examples of communications gone bad.

The simplest phrase can get lost in the human communication process.

The sender and receiver each add attitude, mood, experience, and a dozen other factors to every communication we have. It’s one thing to try to communicate feedback. But innocent little phrases get miscommunicated just as easily.

“That’s a good job.”

“What does he mean? Don’t I always do a good job? I’m such a failure that you have to point out to everyone when I do a good job! You never tell anyone else that they do a good job: Are you getting ready to fire me?”

- – - – -

It would be convenient if everyone just believed every word you say with no interpretation or reading between the lines.

But, alas, they have a lifetime of their experiences, plus whatever personal history with you. These things create filters through which all communications take place.

This is true in personal relationships, business relationships, online communications, in groups, one-on-one, and in every other human interaction.

A few years ago our company decided to let clients know that we really appreciate it when they pay on time. As a small business, this makes a big difference for us. So we drafted a memo and sent it on its way.

Wow! What an uproar. Several clients called to complain. They’d always paid their bills on time. They didn’t need to be told . . . etc.

Others didn’t even notice the communication. They said it was like the generic pages full of notices that show up with credit card privacy inserts. In other words, it was meaningless communication.

So how do you learn to communicate with a variety of people?

Most of us do pretty well. But there’s only one way to be sure that your communication is successful: Ask.

That is, simply reflect back to the other person what you heard them say. I try to do this with clients, especially regarding action items during a meeting.

At the end of a meeting, say something like, “Here’s what I understand that we agreed on . . ..”

In conversation, try “I heard you say . . ..”
What ensues is a back-and-forth conversation that may be a little uncomfortable at times. After all, you’re going to express what you heard. The other person may well say No, that’s not what they said.

After a little back and forth, you’ll both agree on what was said and what you each want.

And the next conversation will be a little more comfortable.

It would be great if communication were always perfect, or at least easy. But you have to remember that everyone involved is human.

:-)

Posted in Books, Misc., Patience | Comments Off

Multiple Streams of Reward

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

If you’re in business, you may have heard the advice that you should cultivate “multiple streams of income.” Of course your business has a primary stream. Let’s say you sell a specific product. Additional streams of income might be related products, “spin-off” products, or even an unrelated business.

In addition to simply giving you more money, multiple streams of income provide you with resilience as the economy goes up and down. In my book business, I have seminars and advertising revenues in addition to the books. So, when book sales are down, seminars might be up. And when a seminar is canceled, the web orders keep flowing in.

Let’s look at rewards other than money.

After all, your life is filled with all kinds of ups and downs. When your work is not rewarding, or your family life is not rewarding, you still deserve a boost!

Ideally, when your work is challenging, you’ll get good news from the home front.

Or church.

Or the community.

Or a note from a friend to boost your spirits.

Maybe you’ll reach a goal in your workout routine.

Or find a card someone gave you a few years ago.

There are two components to creating Multiple Streams of Reward.

First, you need to cultivate the various roles you play in your life. You need to participate in your church, in your community (online or offline), and in your family.

It sounds obvious, but too many people only do one or two things. It is very common for people to only work or only go to school. But if you do that, you can’t expect an unexpected phone call. You won’t be asked to sit on a committee or join a group.

We all play several roles in our lives. And, to be honest, they’re not all “up” at the same time very often. Each is rewarding at times and challenging at other times. And that’s fine and normal.

But what gets us through the hard times?

The answer is fairly clear: The rewards from all the other areas of our lives help us get through the challenges.

So the first component is to actively participate in the various roles you play.

The second piece of this puzzle is to tune into the rewards streaming into your life. Recognize positive things when they happen — even if you’re in a bad mood. Just because someone’s mad at you over here doesn’t mean you should ignore a kind word over there.

Tune in. Be open to the little rewards wherever you find them.

This includes all the little successes (like finishing a project) as well as simply being aware of what’s going on in all the roles you play.

It helps a lot if you use a “positive filter” for the messages and events in your life. Make it your habit to try to put a positive spin on everything.

Give it a try. What have you got to lose?

:-)

Posted in Balance, Challenges, Misc. | Comments Off

Ahh Nostalgia . . .

Monday, January 19th, 2009

If you’re just a little bit overwhelmed with the world around you, consider conjuring up some memories.

The human mind is a very interesting place. If I were to go back to school, I’d make a point of learning more about it. In particular, about memory.

Your memory can be affected by many things, including pain and stress. I suspect that the pain of childbirth serves two purposes. First, it gives the wife something to hold over the husband’s head for the rest of his life. :-)

Second, the pain causes the brain to wipe out the memory of pain. This makes it possible to agree to have a second child.

On a more serious note, we know that people with chronic pain also have memory problems. These are not problems related to cognitive function, directly, but more of an inconsistency in remembering all the little things in life.

Stress does the same thing. We become overwhelmed and our mind takes over our body. We’ve all experienced how mental stress can cause physical exhaustion.

The last several months have been hard for many people. The economic collapse was “out there” for most people. It only affected those with money in the stock market. But now there are lay-offs and fears about further cut backs.

We can feel alone and afraid in this environment.

But guess what? You have at least one resource available to help you feel better right now: Nostalgia.

Research shows that nostalgic thoughts can relieve loneliness and help us to feel supported by our environment.

This makes perfect sense. Remember back to a favorite Christmas, a special dinner, etc. When you bring back these memories, you bring back the emotions as well. You don’t simply conjure up flat, 2-dimensional pictures. No, your experience of that event includes sounds and smells and emotions.

You can make nostalgic moments a conscious plan for your day. Take some time to sit quietly and remember your first car, your graduation, your wedding, and so forth. Relax and enjoy it. You’ll find yourself remembering the food, the weather, and even the people you haven’t seen in some time.

Our society looks down on people who “live in the past.” But taking a moment to remember the moments that make us happy and made us who we are is very healthy.

After all, every minute of your life is in the past. Savor it and let it help you achieve a happier state today.

Try it.

Posted in Challenges, Meditation, Misc., Positive Attitude | Comments Off

The Second Most Amazing Thing

Friday, September 12th, 2008

My second biggest pet peeve is when someone gives you information that BEGS for an explanation or additional information, but they don’t give you the context.

A perfect example:
“Sao Paulo (Brazil), the world’s second-largest city, has a population of just over ten million.”

Okay, maybe I’m just one of those people who needs to hear the other shoe drop . . . but what’s the largest city?

I recently got a letter from my credit card processor. They’re making a change to the Transaction ID field.

Why? Because the current Transaction ID field “was originally developed with a maximum numeric value of 2,147,483,647.”

WHAT?

2,147,483,647

How do you possibly come up with that number? Especially with that 7 at the end. That number begs to be explained!

If they had simply said 2.1 billion, I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

Consider this: Is your message lost because someone is trying to fill in the blanks?

Notice the difference in how your mind reacts to these two statements:

  • Louisiana has the third highest homicide rate in the US.

    • and

  • Louisiana has the third highest homicide rate in the US, behind the District Of Columbia and Puerto Rico.

Notice how that second example fills in a blank? Now, truth be told, it may not matter who is first or second, depending on the conversation you’re having. But if you leaving it hanging out there, the brain has to wonder. When you fill in the blank, the brain can get back to processing the information that does matter.

Just a thought.

- – - – -

BTW, I did figure out the reason for 2,147,483,647. The 7 had me stumped.

At first I thought it was a limitation based on computer processing numbers (e.g., 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, . . .). But I dismissed that because it is not divisible by two.

Then I filled in the real sequence. For computers, the real sequence starts with zero, so it’s: 0, 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, . . .).

Now that makes it legitimate to have a number rounded very nicely to 2,147,483,648 (take 1 and double it 32 times).

0
1
2
4
8
16
32
64
128
256
512
1,024
2,048
4,096
8,192
16,384
32,768
65,536
131,072
262,144
524,288
1,048,576
2,097,152
4,194,304
8,388,608
16,777,216
33,554,432
67,108,864
134,217,728
268,435,456
536,870,912
1,073,741,824
2,147,483,648

That explains 2,147,483,648. What about 2,147,483,647?

Well, if the first number is 1 and you count them up, the 2,147,483,648th number is 2,147,483,648.

But if the first number is 0, then the 2,147,483,648th number is 2,147,483,647!

- – - – -

Reading a memo shouldn’t be this hard. It’s the third most difficult memo I’ve ever dealt with!

Posted in Misc. | Comments Off

Promotion Monkey Goes Live

Monday, September 1st, 2008
Sign up now! It’s finally here.The Promotion Monkey newsletter — Monkey Business — is finally here.

Please sign up today.

Signing Bonus

When you sign up today, you will receive our super-bonus inaugural mailing. This includes

  • A 12-page Promotion Monkey Newsletter
  • A 60-minute audio CD on creating spinoff products and marketing them on the Internet
  • Printed PowerPoint slides to accompany the CD presentation
  • A free handout on building Community Resources (the newsletter and audio CD will explain why you need this)
  • A free handout on resources to get you started with modern Internet-based promotion techniques
  • A free copy of the book Relax Focus Succeed® — A Guide to Balancing Your Personal and Professional Lives and Being More Successful in Both

The Promotion Monkey Newsletter by itself is worth $40. The audio CD sells for $30. The Relax Focus Succeed® book sells for $20.

So, even if you cancel after one month, the Promotion Monkey subscription will easily pay for itself!

“If you’ve got a salable product or service that you can sell online, the Web is a gold mine. Karl Palachuk’s proven, no-nonsense advice will help you get your share of the gold. Subscribing to the newsletter will be like investing in a stock that’s guaranteed to pay large dividends.”
– Michael Larsen, Literary Agent
Author, Guerrilla Marketing for Writers
and many other books

- – - – -

Thank You to everyone who expressed an interest in the Promotion Monkey Newsletter.

Please give it a shot. The price isn’t very high, and I think you’ll find a lot of useful information in it.

Sign Up Today!
www.promotionmonkey.com

Posted in Business, Misc., Promotion Monkey, Relax Focus Succeed® | Comments Off

Welcome Back To School!

Saturday, August 30th, 2008

Wow.

I can always tell when school is back in because there’s an explosion of activity on one of my articles:

The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living.

You’ve probably heard those words before. They’re from Socrates, at his trial for corrupting the youth by encouraging them to think critically about the government and society.

Freakin’ radical.

Anyway, when school starts up, I get a huge bump in traffic on the Relax Focus Succeed web site. Or at least on that page. I don’t know if it is actually of any use for college or high school students who are trying to understand the reading, but it does quite well in the search engines.

If you search for “The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living” you’ll find it. It shows up better on Google than Windows Live, but that’s okay since everyone uses Google.

A few teachers have also linked to this article from their blogs or web sites. So that’s fun.

I guess the lessons are: 1) Nothing ever “dies” on the Internet. and 2) Put your thoughts out there for other people. Somebody will find value in them.

I encourage you to consider blogging. The social side of the Internet consists of all of us contributing a little perspective that’s different fromt he rest of us. Examining our lives as a society.

Socrates would love it.

Posted in Misc., Relax Focus Succeed® | Comments Off

A Monkey is Born

Wednesday, August 13th, 2008

After lo these many days . . . the Monkey stirs.

I am proud to announce that Promotion Monkey memberships will be available September 1st, 2008.

This is not a technology-focused adventure.

If you promote anything on the Internet, then you should give the Promotion Monkey a whirl.

Please check it out at PromotionMonkey.com

Thank You.

Posted in Business, Misc. | Comments Off

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