Here’s a strange thing to ponder: Do ideas have value?

We (humans) are intellectual beings. We think. Most of us think a lot. So even if we’re driving down the road or mowing the lawn, our brains are busy cranking away on something.

We take that for granted. But not all creature are this way. I recently drove nine hours through the middle of California. Of course, along the way, I saw cattle, sheep, and horses in the fields. Not to put down our furry friends, but they don’t have a lot of ideas. Cows ruminate (They are ruminants, after all), but they don’t really think the way we do. And even horses, which are pretty smart, just stand in one spot for hours.

I don’t expect these animals to design hospital equipment or anything like that. But clearly they don’t have brains filled with new ideas all the time.

No, ideas are a very human thing.

And we tend to place high value on ideas. It is not uncommon for someone to utter, “That’s a GREAT idea!” We cheer each other on when we share good ideas. Someone else’s good idea can make your brain start clicking away. That’s what “brainstorming” is all about.

I am lucky to have lots of ideas all the time. And even luckier to hang around people who have lots of good ideas all the time. I love living the world of “what if” and “Hey, why not.”

But sometimes people get frustrated with me.

“When are you going to do that great thing you talked about?”

“I’m waiting for my . . . [insert great idea reference]!”

And I do the same thing.

“If you don’t hurry up and do that, I will!”

My friend Allen Fahden has developed a model for how our creative minds work. He argues that most people have a very strong “Creator” element in their make-up.

I believe that’s true. But it leads to a startling conclusion: If creativity is available everywhere in large quantities, then it might not be very valuable!

Because we all love creativity and great ideas, this just seems wrong. How can an abundance of ideas be without value? Is there a supply and demand equation for creativity?

Let me add one more element to the mix: Good ideas vs. Great ideas.

We have often heard it said that the best design doesn’t always win, the best system is not the best-selling system, the best “whatever” is not necessarily the most commercially successful.

That is often true. And here’s why: Ideas are necessary but not sufficient for success.

To be successful, an idea requires two key actions. First, it requires execution. Second, it requires a plan of action.

Execution is the most important element in success. In fact, it is more important than a great idea! Why is that? Because great ideas are a dime a dozen. Execution is rare. Millions . . . Billions of ideas die every day because no action is taken. Ideas are cheap. Ideas that are acted on have potential.

An idea without action is completely worthless, no matter how great the idea is.

A Plan of Action is also critical because doing “something” may not guarantee success. Actually creating a plan to move things in the right direction takes a lot of time, effort, and energy. It takes a different kind of creativity. And it takes sitting your butt in a chair with a pencil and piece of paper.

Creating a plan of action is part of execution. I separate them because you can also get stuck at the planning stage and still never actually do the thing you say you want to do.

People who execute are critical to your success.

People who create plans are critical to your success.

People who create ideas are also critical … but they’re easily replaced!

- – - -

By the way, Al is a member of my Mastermind Group. What a wonderful group of people. We can create more ideas in an hour than the population of North American can execute in year. Luckily, we also hold each other accountable for taking action and making things happen.

:-)

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This meditation is a little different.  I am proposing a structure to get you started, but you should do what makes the most sense for you.  Take 15 minutes and practice praying.

A timer may be useful.  Some kitchen timers have a single beep every five minutes.  That would be great for this exercise.  Each morning, find a quiet space.

It may be useful to make lists throughout the day so you can include things in your prayers.  Remember, there’s no “cheating” when it comes to prayer–any way you pray is the right way.

First, focus on Thanksgiving for fives minutes.  List the things you’re grateful for:  Family, friends, success, opportunities, your talents, inspiring people, and so forth.  List as many things as you can.  When you run out of things to list, sit quietly for the remainder of the five minutes.

Second, make Petitions for five minutes.  Ask for focus, for clarity in your goals.  Pray for people you know, for the souls of those who have passed on, for aunts and uncles and cousins.  Pray for people with whom you work.  Ask for the skills and the ambition to do your best in your work.  Again, when you run out of things to list, sit quietly for the remainder of the five minutes.

Third, sit quietly and Listen.  Close your eyes.  Take a few deep breaths.  Focus on your breath as you can feel it moving in and out.  Don’t focus on your thanksgivings or your petitions.  Don’t try to think.  If a thought or noise draws your attention, make note of it and bring your focus back to your breathing.  Do this for five minutes.

Then, find some quiet time in the evening and repeat this prayer activity.  It may be for a shorter period of time, but try to include all three pieces.  Repeat for 30 days.

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In the Monty Python movie The Holy Grail, King Arthur’s men do not use the terms “charge” and “retreat.”  Instead they use “charge” and “Run away! Run away!”  So, when I tell my friends I’m going on my annual retreat, they always say “Run away! Run away!”

Part of me wants to say that I’m not running away.  But the truth is, I am.  As a part of modern society, a piece of me feels a little guilty about “abandoning” my family, friends and work and all the chores that need to be done around the house.  This is particularly acute since my retreat comes in the early part of December.  I’m also abandoning putting up lights, shopping for gifts and holiday parties. However,  perspective helps (as it always does).

Sometimes we need to “run away” from everything. To retreat is to withdraw, to enter seclusion.  Is the holiday season a bad time for a retreat?  Maybe.  But when is it a good time?  Maybe the holiday season is the perfect time to step back, take time for yourself and plan for the next year.

There are many benefits to be gained from a retreat.  The most obvious are Rest and Relaxation.  On the most recent retreat I attended, the leader asked people as they were gathering together whether they’d taken time for a nap.  “What’s the point of going on retreat,” he asked, “if you’re not going to take a nap?”

Many people find that it takes time–twelve hours or more–to quiet themselves and leave the world outside, and to focus on being away from it all.  And then the end comes too quickly.  We are a society completely deprived of quiet time and solitude.  Going on a retreat forces solitude upon you and then you become hungry for it.  With luck, you incorporate quiet time into your life.

Retreats are also a time for thinking and planning and goal-setting.  Who am I?  What’s my purpose here on Earth?  What do I want to do?  How do I get there from here?  Focusing is very difficult without time to relax.  On a retreat you will have time to think; time to straighten out problems; time to plan for the future; time to put thing in perspective.

And perhaps time to respond to a subtle call from God.

There are many kinds of retreats.  The first step in finding a retreat that’s right for you is to consider

What’s your goal? What kind of retreat are you looking for?

	Couple focused
	Educational
	Health/Fitness
	Meditation
	Men- or Women-focused
	Personal Development
	Re-energizing
	Relaxing
	Religious
	Renewal
	Yoga (spiritual or exercise)
	Other?

Once you begin considering what you want from a retreat, you can start looking for one that’s right for you.  How do you find one?  Most retreats have some religious or spiritual component, so the first place to look is at the office, at your church, synagogue, or temple.  There may be flyers or advertisements on a bulletin board, or someone may know who to call.

You can also search on the Internet.  If you put the words “retreat” and your city/county in a search engine, you’re likely to come up with something.  A few sites that can help you find retreats almost anywhere are:

	www.retreatfinder.com
	www.findthedevine.com
	www.passionist.org

Just remember that these are NOT comprehensive listings.  Almost every county in America has many retreat opportunities.  You just have to look.

Can you create your own personal retreat of one?  Of course.  As you might imagine, I encourage this.  But it is best to go on a guided retreat (especially a silent one) before you create your own personal retreat.  They will provide you with hints and tips, and probably some good readings, that will help you see the full benefits of a retreat.

Then you can “run away” whenever you need to.

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I have discovered two situations in which I’m willing to open my wallet and say “Here.  Take whatever you want.”

The fist situation is Disneyland.  Mickey Mouse can have all the money he wants.  When we’re at Disneyland, I’m happy and relaxed.   My daughter is totally wired, bouncing off the walls, and hyperventilating with fun.  So, lunch is $29 for three people?  No problem.  $50 for a sweatshirt I’ll wear twice a year?  Sounds like a bargain.

And all this is after paying for hotel, airfare, and admission to the park.  Somehow, Disneyland sucks you in and makes you feel that everything is okay.  You’re happy, relaxed, energetic.  Your attitude is positive and troubles have a tough time getting your attention.

You might replace Disneyland with Maui or some other place.  But the idea’s the same.

The other time when I open my wallet freely is during times of stress or emergency.  Something bad has happened and I need to make the problem go away as soon as possible.  As a consultant I see this all the time.  When people have an urgent need, they are willing to pay more.  I can’t count how many times I’ve heard a client say “Is there any amount of money that will get this done faster?”

Perhaps the perfect example of this is shipping a package.  You might pay a low price for “ground” shipping, but a much higher price for 2nd-day.  Overnight is a lot more.  Overnight by 10AM?  Much much more.  I once witnessed a man pay $50 to have a dozen donuts shipped overnight to his mother.

So, when do we open our wallets?  At the extremes.  We are willing to spend money when we’re happy and content or when we’re overwhelmed and frustrated.  In both of these situations your spending habits will be less rational than normal:  You won’t shop prices and you won’t make good decisions.  And yet one of these situations is clearly preferable to the other.

We’d all rather open our wallets to Mickey Mouse than to the repairman.  Why?  Because we’re in control.  At Disneyland, we are making all the choices.  We’ve planned to be there.  We’ve made decisions and set aside some money.

In an emergency or stressful situation, of course, we feel that we’re not in control.  Even if we get to make all the decisions, we feel trapped–we feel like we don’t have “real” choices because we don’t have the choice of walking away and not dealing with the problem.

So, what can you do to improve your attitude, choices, and effectiveness during emergencies and times of stress?

First, spend more time in the happy and content state.

You’re first reaction is probably “Easier said than done.”  True, but you control a great deal about your attitude and your reaction to situations.  You can choose to avoid being overwhelmed and frustrated.

One of the great benefits of meditation is that you learn to take a few breaths and relax, calm yourself, and focus on what’s going on at this moment.

When I first started taking yoga classes, I had an instructor who finished the class with a relaxation exercise.  We would all lie on the floor, eyes closed.  And she would say “This place is always available to you.  Come here when you need to center yourself and relax.”  At first I thought she meant the yoga studio.  (I’m pretty slow sometimes.)

By “this place” she meant the place of relaxation.  But to have relaxation available to you on “short notice,” you have to practice.  Being able to take three breaths and relax yourself takes practice.  You need to do it every day when you’re not stressed out.  Get to know how it feels.  Be comfortable with that state.  Then you can call on it as needed.

Second, when emergencies (or other stressful situations) happen, remember to stay calm.  Stop and think about your resources.  One of the great causes of stress is the belief that “I don’t know what to do.”  In reality, we usually do know what to do but we’re too anxious to think straight right away.  Again:  Relax . . . Focus.

Third, don’t be too shy to ask for help.  Most of the time we don’t need help and we get out of the habit of asking for it.  When we do ask, we are pleasantly surprised at the great response we receive.  How many times have you seen people “come out of the woodwork” to help?  Friends, relatives, and even casual acquaintances are their for you to rely on.  You’re not alone!

Fourth, communicate.  In stressful situations, you need to divide people into two groups — those who are close to you and those who are not.  Chances are very good that those close to you will also be affected by the stressful situation.  Let them know what you’re thinking, engage them in solving the problem, and reassure them that you’ll get through it together.  “Others” will be less directly affected.  They may be more useful at accessing resources and giving a more balanced view of the problem.

As with anything else, you need to practice the skills of stress management before they are needed.  Practice relaxing and focusing.  Practice asking for help and communicating.

And spend more time at Disneyland!

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I am lucky to work with some wonderful people. Recently the work I do with a couple of different people has coincided with events in my personal life. And it has been a powerful experience.

Jenifer Landers (http://www.fullyexpressedcoaching.com/) is my life coach. She helps me with business and personal challenges. Because of all the changes going on in my life this year, she has talked to me about leaving space in my life for people and things to “show up.” For example, my daughter graduated from high school and will be going to college in the Fall. Yikes. That will leave a big space for me to fill.

Or, if you think about it, I don’t have to fill that space. I could just leave it open for awhile to see which opportunities arise.

Another wonderful person I work with is Kelli Wilson. Kelli recently published a book: The Clutter Breakthrough (See her blog). In this very powerful book, Kelli does NOT go through a “plan” to clean up the clutter. Instead, she looks at the root causes of clutter. Her argument is that people have painful experiences in their lives, and they fill up their lives with something in order to avoid the pain.

Some people fill these spaces with alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, or any number of other things. The goal is not about the alcohol (etc.), but about coping mechanisms that keep them from having to experience the pain or the emptiness.

Analogy: Nerves

There’s a great medical device called a TENS unit. TENS stands for Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation. A TENS unit operates from a 9-volt battery. It creates tiny electrical impulses and has pads that are attached to your skin. For example, if you have muscle spasms in your back, a doctor might use a tens unit to block the pain.

The electrodes are taped to the body near where the pain is.

Inside your body there are large nerve fibers and small nerve fibers. Of course these nerves carry pain signals. Well, actually, only the small nerve fibers carry pain. The TENS unit sends tiny electrical impulses down the nerve fibers. It floods the nerve fibers with these harmless impulses. Once the nerves are “filled” with these harmless electrical impulses, the pain signals cannot travel through the nerves.

This is a great analogy for thinking out the spaces in your life. Space might left because of a true loss: A death, a divorce, the loss of a job, or having a child leave home. Similarly, if you have a space that’s filled with pain, you need a mechanism to either stop the pain or at least take your mind off the pain.

And so the coping mechanisms we develop help us to 1) Fill empty space in our lives, and 2) Avoid dealing with the painful spaces in our lives that we’d rather not address. Just as a TENS unit fills the nerves with electrical impulses that keep the pain from getting through, we can use a variety of behaviors to fill our lives with *something* that’s better than the nothing or the pain.

Whether the space is empty (for example, loneliness) or filled with pain, “coping mechanism” are always a short-term solution. Coping mechanism might help you get by today and tomorrow. But longer term, you need to find more permanent solutions.

In the case of pain, the most important goal is to stop the cause of the pain. In terms of emotional pain, the cause is probably YOU and not whatever you think the cause it. Yes, the original cause of the pain was very real. But the ongoing cause of the pain is probably your willingness to continue dwelling on it. Counseling, prayer, and meditation can help you understand the pain and diminish it over time.

But you need to be aware that that process will leave a space where your “old friend” pain used to be.

In the case of loss or loneliness, you will also have an empty space.

No matter how this empty space comes about, you need to find healthy ways to fill that space. But I really encourage you to take some time filling the space. It takes a great deal of self-awareness to leave spaces in your life and not give in to the urge to fill them with “stuff” (physical stuff, activities, hobbies, bad habits, etc.).

Daily quiet time can be an extremely powerful tool to help you with this process. Whether you use it for meditation, prayer, or some other means of being away and clearing your mind, the very fact that you spend time considering your life will help you to work on the spaces in your life.

You may legitimately decide that you want to take up a new hobby, buy some clothes, or do whatever. But with daily contemplation about where your life is going, you will have a much healthier perspective for examining your options.

You may also find that you’ve managed to create a great deal more contentment than you had before.

:-)

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Last week my daughter Victoria (age 17.9 years) embarked on an adventure. The plan was to spend three days in New York City just seeing the sights, then hop over to England and Scotland for a week. She has two weeks for Spring Break and this is her senior year.

We had plans for the first night and the last night in the UK, but nothing in between. We had Britrail passes and tube passes, so we were set to just go. Our plan was to wake up every day and figure out what to do that day.

In this modern era it is very easy to hop on the internet and find a hotel at a good price on short notice.

Note: This approach takes a certain willingness to believe that you will be okay and that things will work themselves out. I have been cultivating that spirit for some time.

Meditation helps, as does an actual commitment to being a low stress person.

I believe you can always choose how you will respond to your environment. Sometimes it’s easier than others. The more planning you have, the easier it is. But, as the saying goes, sometimes life gives you lemons and you have to make lemonade.

So here’s what happened to our vacation plans.

After three fun days in New York City, we went to the airport to catch an all-night flight to England and arrive at 8:30 AM. But my daughter could not get on the airplane because of a problem with her passport.

Stop. Vacation gone. Plane departing in two hours. Fix it or forget it.

At this point some people would add: Panic.

I was a little panicky, of course. But I decided a long time ago that I’m not the kind of person who blows up, yells and screams, abuses the person behind the counter, etc. I tried to stay calm, gathered the information I could.

It quickly became clear that I could not solve this tonight and we were going to miss the plane. Period. Nothing we could do about that. We could contact the passport office in New York or Connecticut. Quick phone call. NY was a seven day wait. No good. Connecticut might get us in within 8 business hours in an emergency. And might get a new passport within 8 business hours. But that means 1-2 more days in NYC with 1-2 days sitting around a government office, just so we could spend a day flying to England to continue the vacation.

We decided to do England another time. The next question was: Do we go home or reboot the vacation?

Important factor: My daughter only gets one spring break her senior year in high school.

So where do you want to go? The entire East Coast is at your disposal. Or we could rent a car and drive home, seeing the sights. Or take trains and see America. Or whatever.

We decided to catch the next flight to Florida and spend time in the sun. Went online and booked one-way airfare. Cheap, even at the last minute. Thank goodness for the Internet.

Total elapsed time since vacation destroyed: about 60 minutes.

Was I happy about the situation? No. But I had decided to NOT panic, NOT make it a disaster, and NOT focus on what I can’t control.

Yes, it will cost a lot of money. But we can use those Britrail passes another time. And we had almost no other out of pocket expenses except airfare. Called the airline and cancelled. They’re rebating a good portion of what we paid.

And here’s the key: We can’t control what we can’t control!

The mindset of not wasting energy on things you can’t control is a mindset that you can practice. You can create that approach to life.

The mindset of creating lemonade when life gives you lemons is a mindset that you can practice.

You get to choose how you will respond to the world.

I hope that my daughter will love the new vacation we are creating and that she will always take the attitude of slowing down and looking on the positive side when things go wrong.

“Stuff” happens in life. You can make yourself miserable and dive into the well of dispair, or you can pick up the lemons and start making lemonade.

Daily quiet time, meditation, and prayer go a long way to making this possible.

Status Report: We just finished three days in Orlando. We’re working our way through the Disney parks. On Sunday we’re heading to Church (It’s Easter) and then off to Daytona Beach. We got a nice hotel ON the beach for $46/night. Thank goodness for the Internet.

We’ll head home when we had planned. It won’t be the vacation we planned, but it’s been a Great vacation and a great adventure so far.

:-)

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There’s an old movie most people have never heard of called The Big Combo.

In this movie, “Mr. Brown” is a big hoodlum. His motto is “First is first and second is nothing.”

Mr. Brown expresses that motto again and again and again. Until the time he’s shot dead.

Sometimes, our culture beats into us that the only place that matters is First. And, truth be told, a disproportion of the rewards go to the top 1%, 3%, and 5%.

But how you get there matters a lot, too. Look at the Olympics. On one hand you have the Chinese, who are openly cheating in Gymnastics. Every medal they win will be tarnished. Every award will have an asterisk.*

On the other hand, you have thousands of athletes who have working to get to the Olympics for at least four years, don’t cheat, and do deserve to win. Almost all medalists will have true gold, silver, and bronze medals. They will be real winners and deserve the reward they receive.

There Are Three Primary Elements of Success

What is success? In the big picture, success consists of determining what you want to do and then getting that done.

The first primary element of success is to have goals. Of course.

Specific, written, definable, measurable goals that you share with other people so they can hold you accountable.

The second primary element of success is the process of working to achieve your goals. What’s the process? It’s everything you do that’s remotely related to working on your goal. It’s how you live your life. It’s how you interact with others. It’s who you are as a human being in pursuit of what you want.

The third primary element of success is achieving your goal. This is the “finish line” if you will. This is when you reach $100,000 in salary, or $1 million in sales, or $10 million in sales. Whatever the goal.

The most important thing about the first element, setting goals, is that you have to do it. More than 90% of the people you meet have never consciously set goals, written them down, figured out how to measure them, and shared them with others. That means you get to be in the top ten percent by simply setting goals!

It’s true.

The most important part of the third element, reaching your goal, is that it becomes far less important once you get there.

For most big goals (e.g., reaching a big money amount or raising a child safely to adulthood), you can see the goal line approaching. $1 Million looks a lot easier from $900,000 than it does from $100,000. Age 18 looks a lot easier when your kid is 16 years old than when she’s 16 months old.

As your approach your goal, there comes a time when you know you can do it. As a result, your mind and heart begin thinking about the next level.

And the second element of success — that’s the most important thing in your life.

The second element of success is how you live your life every single day. It involves your integrity, your discipline, your willingness to help others, your honestly.

It is who you are every day.

And if your goal will take ten or twenty years to accomplish, then the second element is who you are over the decades.

When you look back on what it took to achieve your goals, how many asterisks will there be? Who will you have to deceive, cheat, and abuse?

I absolutely believe that you don’t have to do any of those things to get ahead.

After all, you have the rest of your life. Take your time and do it the right way.

Your goals are intimately intertwined with who you are and who you will become. Respect that. Don’t take shortcuts and don’t treat other people poorly.

There’s an old saying:

Remember the people you meet on your way up the ladder of success.
You’ll meet the same people on your way down.

So, first might be first, but second isn’t nothing. How you get to be first matters a lot. And if you come in second with your soul intact, that’s important, too.

- – - – -
* Cheater!

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Translating your personal mission into your daily life.

In earlier posts (December, January), we discussed values and principles. They are literally the foundation for your goals. From this base we built a vision or mission statement.

Here’s the hierarchy:

The obvious next question is, How do you translate your personal mission into your daily life?

In truth, all of your work so far has been theoretical. You hold certain values. You know this is more important than that. But it is rare for you to face a choice between high-level theoretical values (e.g., accountability, professionalism, or thoughtfulness).

So, let’s dig into the practical.

The next step is to identify the roles you play in your life. These might include spouse, parent, employer, employee, student, community member, community leader, and so forth.

Spend your morning Quiet Time identifying the most important roles you play in your life. Pick three to five. For most people, the temptation is to identify ten or twelve. And that might be useful. But for practical purposes, you need to identify the 3-5 most important roles you play.

You as an Individual

One choice you do not have is this: You must include the role of you individually, without regard to others. Most roles we play involve other people. You are a spouse to your spouse. You are an employee to your employer. You are a parent to your child.

And, again, most of the values we identify are related to our relationship with others (e.g., commitment, honesty, or service).

The result is that we tend to only consider ourselves in light of our relationship with others. Many positive traits come out of this. But it also has a drawback — we tend not to give ourselves the attention we deserve. We end up living for others, to the detriment of ourselves.

So one of your roles needs to be you as you.

Let’s work with the following example:
- You as self
- You as spouse
- You as employee
- You as community member

Once you’ve defined 3-5 primary roles for yourself, you’re ready to begin the work of setting goals for each of these roles.

Again, you need to dedicate a lot of morning quiet time to this process. Take it seriously. Don’t push it. You have the rest of your life.

Consider: What do you want to accomplish, personally (without regard to spouse, children, boss, parents, etc.)?
What do you want to accomplish personally?
What do you want to accomplish as a Spouse?
What do you want to accomplish as an Employee?
What do you want to accomplish as a Community Member?

For each of these, consider
- What are the long-term goals?
- What are the intermediate (1-3 year) goals?
- What are the short-term (0-12 months) goals?

And most important of all . . .
- What one thing can I do, in each area, to advance these goals today?

—–

Now here’s the bad news. Most people who read this will think it makes sense.

But they’re too busy. They don’t have the time. It’s not for them.

And most importantly — It looks like a lot of hard work.

You would think that Opportunity would be the most welcome guest in any house. But when he shows up wearing work clothes, most people won’t open the door to him.

There’s a lot of work here. True. But the rewards are phenomenal! Lasting personal happiness. A fulfilling family life. An enjoyable work environment.

It’s true. Once you focus your attention on the things that matter to you, you can’t help yourself. You will begin thinking differently. You’ll consider your actions more carefully. And you’ll start working toward your goals.

Good luck!

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If you haven’t read the book Silas Marner by George Eliot, check it out. It’s a good Summer read.

The title character is well known for sitting alone in his house, with the windows shuttered, and counting his gold. Night after night Silas Marner counted his gold.

When we read that part of the book, our mind naturally thinks about an old man hunched over his table, counting his money night after night. In fact, Silas doesn’t know that he has many years ahead of him.

As with any good novel, the book has intrigue, crime, emotions run amok, love, and redemption. Silas will lose his fortune, but have his soul reborn due to the love of an abandoned child.

When we employ the imagery of Silas Marner, it’s of someone who has become obsessed with counting their gold. They define success as wealth. And so they isolate themselves from others, afraid of getting too close, concerned that everyone is after their share of the money.

Unfortunately, we have modern equivalents to Silas in the business world today.

Some people, as they become successful in business, also become so obsessed with this distorted view of “wealth” that they close themselves off from their family, their friends, and (in the business world) their clients and employees. They look at their accomplishments and somehow conclude that they got their on their own.

When this happens, they begin to act as if they’re at the end of the story. That there’s nothing left to do but count their gold. But unless they’re on their deathbed, it’s not the end. If you achieve financial success at middle age, you have many years, and many adventures ahead.

In the real world, these folks begin alienating those who would be their friends. They treat every relationship and every interaction as if it were about money. Sometimes business is about money. But when business is only about money, it is very dissatisfying.

I’ve known people who became “successful” in this regard and who changed from being fun to being bitter and alienated. Their children don’t want to spend time with them; their employees can’t stand them and have zero loyalty; and their clients and vendors just seem to go somewhere else one at a time.

In the novel, Silas learns his lessons, re-joins the community, raises a child, and learns that love and human society are more important than gold. In the “real world” I’m afraid that doesn’t happen so much. In the real world, people tend to reinforce their view of the world as they interpret each new experience as reinforcing their old beliefs.

So, what can we do? First, we can try very hard not to let ourselves become like Silas. Success does not equal money. Money is not the measure of success.

Second, we can be a true friend and tell people when they’re heading down this road. That also means sticking in there when they go through a Silas Marner period in their lives. This is tougher than it sounds. Because that period can leave our friend very bitter and unpleasant to be around. We have to be careful not to get sucked into this view of the world.

Third, we can choose to back off. This is hard to do. And it doesn’t sound like being a friend, but if it’s clear that we can’t help, it is sometimes best to isolate ourselves from the negativity.

True success means finding the things that bring meaning and value into your life. It is highly unlikely that that will include surrounding yourself with bitter, angry people, or a pot of gold.

So, finally, the best you can do is to pray for your friend. Whatever other action you take, that’s the one thing that will do some good. And, with luck, they’ll learn to focus on the more positive things in life.

Over the years, in my business life, I’ve dropped a couple of Silas Marner clients. In the business world I can simply choose not to do business with them.

 It’s harder when a friend goes down that road.

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Goal-Setting Part 3

In Part 1 we talked about how goal-setting must be practiced regularly and forever. It is not a one-time task or a short-term project.

In Part 2 we introduced Quiet Time — The First Habit of Success.

Now we begin the actual Goal-Setting Process.

And, roughly speaking, this is the process:
1) Define the values or principles that are important to you.
2) Based on these values, define your vision or mission.
3) Identify the roles you play in your daily life (spouse, parent, employer, employee, etc.).
4) Plan activities in each of these role areas that are consistent with your vision and values.

Here’s the hierarchy:

A few cautionary notes about defining your values and vision.

It is extremely important that you identify values that are important to you personally: Not your spouse, not your parents, not what you think the rest of the world wants from you.

It is also important that you do not select your core values based on guilt. You might feel, based on society’s values, that you “should” hold certain values. But this is a dangerous road to go down. When people accept other people’s values, they find themselve pursuing goals that are not necessarily their own.

If you accept core values that are not completely and absolutely your own, then you’ll go through the process headed in the wrong direction and end up with a personal vision statement that’s not your own.

Consider this list of Values: http://www.relaxfocussucceed.com/Articles/2007122201.htm.

There you’ll find many delightful values that everyone should have. Here are a few examples:
- Accountability
- Commitment
- Fareness
- Honesty
- Modesty
- Professionalism
- Service
- Thoughtfulness
- Warmth

Everyone should have these values, right? Fine. But are these the absolute most important values in your life? Probably not. And if you simply accept these values, then you would build a vision based on values that are not completely comfortable to you.

Now it’s time to use The First Habit of Success — daily quiet time.

Spend some time each morning thinking about your core values.

Start by reviewing the long list and choosing values that are important to you. Don’t be overly picky at first. Just list as many values as you can that are important to you. Think about these every morning during your quiet time.

Then begin to whittle down the list to ten. Then seven. Eventually, get it down to three or four values that you consider to be the absolute core values of your life.

Even then your work isn’t complete. When you have your core values, spend time comparing your core values to every other value on that list (or any list you can find). This process will help you come to the realization that the values you defined are in fact the most important values in your life.

And while I always believe in revisiting the goal-setting process, I believe you’ll find that these core values only change very slowly over time. The reason is simple: Once you’ve defined the absolute core values of your life, any re-evaluation would bring you to the same conclusions.

You should take as much time as it takes to settle on the right values for you. Remember the diagram. Values and principles are the base. After you begin the process of considering which values are core for you, you won’t be able to ignore them. You’ll naturally start thinking about what it means in the “real world” to hold these values.

And that is our next step.

For now, spend your daily quiet time considering the values that are important to you.

Enjoy!

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